Will be a good year ahead

Because its the small things that brings you back to life and its the ones taken for granted that returns you the confidence that you forgot you had.

Because its the memories left hidden and the ones you throw away that will eventually boomerang back and hit you when you least expect it.

Because when the things that make you happy are the same ones you’re running away from, and when the love, the hatred, the merry and the misery that once made you feel alive, are the ones you block away from your mind, then that will leave you to be a bitter, angry person. And bitter, angry people are always lonely, turning people away when they are the one who need them so dearly.

But for this year, for today, for this minute, I see the light and am walking towards it. All the little things that were once locked down or thrown away, I am now taking it all back in. All the little pieces of my heart I lost at different phases of my life, I am collecting them back. That is why 2007 will be a good year for me. I hope this is the same for every one else. =)

U2

When the going gets tough you can always work 18-hour days, sleep at 1am and wake up 6am, and there is U2 songs to cheer you up.

Till then all you can do is just savour every moment you have right now and prepare for the fight.

Protected: Year 2007 Resolution

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Protected: 2006 Resolution in Review

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

I really look like my Dad

OMG, I really do look like my dad!

Thanks Hackson for shooting this one.

Bipolar Disorder

Yep, I can vouch that I am sooo suffering from it.

Bitch-mode beware.

What overwhelming?

“I don’t know how I do it, but when it comes to crunch time, I know that I will be fine.”

I said that yesterday night on my way home from work. Know what, that’s a lie. A friggin’ lie. Denial, blasphemy, big fat lie. I am so messed up inside that my brain is playing games with myself. Haiz.

I’ve got 2 days to finish reviewing my chapters and polish up the dreaded essay for a final submission. But even at this point I cannot even muster the courage to start revising that paper. Its killing my spirit and crushing my soul with every other comment written by the Prof. What a mean lil’ man.

That SOB of a professor better give me a satisfying grade this time round.

*****

Mental note:

• Kai coming next week.
• WUP’s leaving with his fam next week.
• I finish exams next week.
• I have to come up with a Winter 07 resolution, and all I feel inside is emptiness.
• I start working on something real next week.
• I have no life this month.
• Raoul wanna go on a man-date after I’m done with exams.
• I better nail that license test by this holiday.
• Caltech due come January, Fuckface, so start working on it.
• Check on TOEFL result sometime soon.
• Take more photos? See, photography seems like the only thing that breathes life into me these days.

Being optimistic

I’ve been ambushed right left front back bottom up for the past week.

I had Toefl test last week (which was hard, mind you), did my whole UC application wrongly (I did not put 0-4.0 as grading system, so the whole courses documentation was messed up), got back my graded research paper (which was really last minute and I got 260/400 for it, obigood), got backside screwed for my work-related oversight, made a fucked-up joke at work and paid for it, got 61/100 for my O. Chem paper (Yay, anyone?), got tons of work to do come winter break, more O. Chem homework overdue for 2 weeks now, got fined $10 for the periodical I did not return in time to the school library, got many more school applications looming ahead, and I haven’t exercised in weeks. Plus I’m still single.

I’m not going down to LA, and I’m not crossing over to NY either. I should really use the time to get my license done.

“Just Breathe…”

*****

Crashing on your bed t 10pm wishing that you can wake up fresh at 4am to finish up assignments, is a bad idea. I’m going back to sleep.

*****

Before that, I should really do something with my life. I don’t feel any self-confidence in myself anymore these days. Egoistic people like me need a lot of assurance, nice ego-stroking appreciation and uh, yeah I better get back my self-esteem first.

And maybe, just maybe, I should go to church. Kai brought me during summer, Dian recommended it, mom and 3rd aunt’s been hinting it to me, and Joce has left the atheist league for church too.

Is it lonely down here in hell, or what?

Little things on my mind

I wanted to write about friendship, heart breaks and how I am feeling for the moment.

I take it that no matter how I phrase myself, words will fail to express my thoughts as I wanted it to be. So I guess I should let things rest for now.

To all my heartbroken friends, be strong and stay strong. Because tomorrow may be a brighter day, and because even if it rains, you’ll have me to keep you warm through the day =)

***

I believe that I am entitled to be proud of myself for now. Dad and Mom really raised me well. Daddy, Mommy, I know I’ve had my fair share of moments when I’d almost screw my life over, but for now I am fighting to better my life and I just want you to know that your son is doing all he can in making you proud. I owe it all to the both of you.

About time I moved on

How do you really know when to move on from the thought of a previous relationship?

When you try to browse through old photos and all that is in your mind is “OMG I want to puke already! Gimme piss-pot, bucket, anything!”

Bargaining like a Bitch

I love my job! Why? Because my job teaches me that if you don’t look out for your own damn self, nobody will give a shit chance for you.

My attitude with people has always been passive since I am the non-confrontational people-pleasing all-around bully-able easily-manipulated easily-pinned down type.

I ain’t taking no more bullshit, bitch! I’m saying, sure everyone’s entitled for their own opinion, but I’ve come to learn that I can convince others too, to be persuasive, and even be confrontational sometimes. Because that’s what it takes on a day-to-day basis if I am to survive doing my job. I will stop (talking about work) here for obvious reasons.

Tonight I was watching a fund raising movie and it turned out that we had more tickets than needed. I tried refunding it, but the guy won’t budge. 15 adrenaline-induced minutes, 4 employees and one boss later, after I screamed, punched, bite, scratch, smackdown-ed, used all forms of lies and deception and half of Sun Tze’s Art of War techniques…I get my $10 back. Ka ‘ching and good night!

Usually I’d have brushed confrontations like that and move on with my life. My innermost comfort zone, so to speak. Not anymore, bitch. Let me work on finding this new me and I’ll update you on this. As quoted by Bob Parson, CEO of Go Daddy, “Get out of your comfort zone and stay out there.”

Everyone is out there searching for their comfort zone anyway

So can someone please tell me, what the hell is wrong with hiding in your own comfort zone? If doing well in classes is your comfort zone, should you encourage yourself to “get out” of your comfort zone,then?

The things I learned about being in a relationship

Never on something you cannot off
If you don’t know how to end the relationship in case it turn bad, don’t start it

Don’t on something you want to off anyway
If you are just thinking of fooling around just to see how it goes, screw your F-ed up intentions, homie.

Preheat the oven before you put in the turkey
Let it flow from friendship and wait. So if she’s got a psychotic stalking threathening demonic older sister, you’d already know.

If it’s not broken, you’re blind
No one know when they’re already in denial. Be neurotic about maintaining your romantic relationship. Jennifer Aniston learned it the hard way

Talking too much is a virtue
Communication, communication, communication.

All compasses points north
Notice how you’re always dating the same type of psychotic insane stalking bitches? Yeah? That’s cause they’re always the ones showing interest in you first. And guess what, you always fall into their traps, every single time. So jolly well change your pattern, have some initiative, and choose the chick you wanna date, not the other way around

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen
If she gets too demanding, or too emotionally challenging, or simply being a 24h PMS machine bitch, you bail. Another good move is to get a pre-nuptial agreement for every marriage you go through.

I love that guy

I really applaud Fran’s honesty and sensitivity to other’s opinion. Hmm, he’s a Keeper.

Old friend phonecall CMI

It is amazing how a three-hour long call with an old friend can brighten up my day (Or night). Amazing.

I’m smiling from back to front now. Glee…

The things that make your life better

Note: I came up with this list of dodgy ways to improve your life back from I don’t know when. I was probably half-drunk doing it.

1. Learn how to mouse goofy (left handed)
   …Because you’ll still want to blog when you lose your right hand (for a right-handed) in an accident.
2. Learn how to swim
   …Because most of us don’t have Pamela’s or Carmen’s watermelons to keep us afloat in a shipwreck and such.
3. Learn to touch-type with at least 100 wpm
   … Because at least you’ll make a good self-secretary when everyone else’s retrenched.
4. Learn to do recreational stuff such as ice-skating, bowling and go-kart acceptably good
   … At least you’ll get to impress a few of the opposite sex.
5. Learn to do a handstand (and if your fitness is good enough, push ups whilst doing a hand stand)
   …Keep blood flowing to the brain and strong arms just in case you lose your feet in an accident.
6. Exercise 3 times a week, at least
   …Nuff’ said.
7. Eat a good balance of meat, veg and fruits
   … Same here.
8. Rid of all destructive habits such a procrastination, wanking and waking up late.
   … And partially its also about getting out of your comfort zone, man.
9. Take up Buddhism if you really need some enlightening.
   … Far better than Scientology, I’m tellin’ ya.

Hitting it in the eye

I am not sure how I will turn out in 2 years time. Will I be doing my parents proud? Will I be looked up upon by my peers? Will I learn any hard lessons along the way?

Will I change at all?

Will I be living on the fast lane? Will I be proactive or reactive? Or Submissive?

Will I look back and laugh at how foolish I am right now? Or will I be yearning to turn back time? If its the latter, what would cause me to think that way?

There are days when I break down and just say “Ah, Fuck it.” and “Screw it, everyone’s against me”, but then there are also days when I wake up with the sun shining brightly on me and I thought that the rest of my day is going to be great. And when that happen, most times I’m right.

Ah, just shoot me.

Things I wanna do before I am…

Things I wanna do before I’m 21:

1. Set up Collegehack
2. Get a six-pack
3. Graduate Magna Cum Laude
4. Decide if I want to stay in USA, go back to Singapore or Indonesia

Things I wanna do before I’m 25:

1. Have a stable job and be financially independent
2. Run a marathon, and completing it
3. Have a lot of fun

Things I wanna do before I am 30:

1. Get married?
2. Have a solid business plan
3. Pay for daddy-and-mommy-travel-around-the-world fund

Things I wanna do before I’m 35:

1. Set up my own plant nursery
2. have my own research facility
3. Be a supplier of top-notch seeds
4. Be filthy rich

Life is short, what’s your plan?

Being back home

On my way cycling to East Coast, I met two friends, Pakin who is 2 years my junior, and Joan who was my ex-classmate of 4 years.

Joan was jogging along the beach when she spotted me and shouted for my name. I stopped and we had a brief conversation about life in general, her JC days, my Uni days, catching up on friends… Joan was supposed to come for the 4A steamboat dinner that we had last week, but she mistook it for next week, so she didn’t attend it (the blur sotong she is).

I remember mentioning that I detest food in America, in general. From quality to price, Singapore food beats that in America hands down. Well, except for quantity. America has a bad habit of serving more to shadow their lack of quality. When will they ever learn that quantity can never cover up for a lack of quality?

I was saying that maybe I should do some research on my prospects of transferring back to the local universities. But I know deep down that I want to stay in Seattle. I don’t know why, I guess I’m getting used to the whole American hospitality and culture. Coming back to Singapore was a little of a culture shock to me, did you know? I had a hard time trying to blend in 3 languages in a single sentence, trying to keep myself dry most of the day, trying to speak in short cuts and crude ways to people of the service industry, just because they don’t get my formal courteous and long-winded american-accented speech.

That aside, I’m enjoying every minute of reminiscence I’m having. Toodles.

Genius

Sometimes I really think that I may have been a failed genius in my previous lifetime.